i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
