She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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