I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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