do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
