Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
