Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The air taste purple.
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