She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
