Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
