i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
