drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize