uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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