The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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