I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize