Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
