so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
