i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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