All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
