I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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