i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
