Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
