Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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