yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
