Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
