Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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