I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
