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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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