Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
