i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
