What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
