If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
