I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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