There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
