Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
