so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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