So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
