I just cut my nipple shaving
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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