If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
