the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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