I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize