There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
