STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
