she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
