But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we're so committed to being not committed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
