haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
