just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
