We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
