Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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