he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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