It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
