You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
