you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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