Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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