Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
