So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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