go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my poor anus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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