I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
