Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
