theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
