i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
