Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
