I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize