everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize