Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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