You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
