I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
