i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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