I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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