My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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