Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
