it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
