he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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