This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize