I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
