Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
